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Single Again: When Were You Gone?

When are you really out of your relationship?

If you are new to this column, maybe you can relate to the question: When is your relationship really over?

Is it when you physically move out? Distance yourself not in space, but in emotions, thoughts and caring? As a person that remembers all too well the 70s, the Eagles had a song called “Already Gone,” which shares the process of moving on:

“Well I know it wasn't you who held me down

Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains

And we never even know we have the key

But me, I'm already gone

And I'm feelin' strong

I will sing this vict'ry song

'Cause I'm already gone”

With appreciation to the writer, who actually was not an Eagles member, a bit of trivia.

As I mentioned in my opening blog, I stayed about 10 years too long in a 25+ year marriage. The last four have been friends without benefits so even though we maintained a household, we were both “already gone.”

> What about you?

> Did you wait too long?

> Did you keep trying over and over and over again?

> Or did you maybe quit too soon with regrets?

Being single past 35 is not always fun, since many things that made it fun in our 20s are no longer there. Maturity and sleep replace estrogen and testosterone and unbridled sex drive. But what does take place of that is a better sense of “me” which (hopefully) allows for a more transparent, more open and honest relationship. I think that’s what most that are Single Again, really do want: a relationship. The one night stands have their place and maybe had too many places in the past, but life after 40 is about finding something real.

  • What have you found and where have you found it?

Future columns will include interviews with those that have experiences to share as well as those that create those experiences in some form or another.

Please share your questions, thoughts and feelings. This column is more about you than about me.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

KiminAshburn January 11, 2013 at 03:37 PM
I am in the exact same situation as you! 25 yrs this year, though we have been eight years as friends without benefits! Unfortunately, I still have one at home, but only for another couple of years. I knew in 2001 that it was over. The best is yet to come!
single again January 11, 2013 at 05:31 PM
Indeed the best is yet to come and thanks for sharing. Once upon a time "long term" relationships would go on for decades due to shorter lifespans and the fear of being criticized. In today's world, we live longer, we love longer and to be content should not be enough. We should strive to be happy regardless of age.

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