Each year about 25,000 couples in Orange County, and about 125,000 in the state, divorce. The odds are not good for marriage as you may know, with a 50 percent failure rate with the first marriage and 65 percent failing in second go-rounds.
St. Andrews Church in Newport Beach has been offering a twice a year “Divorce Recovery Workshop” since 1981. To date over 16,000 people have been through the 6-week program.
This column is about being single again which focuses on those in the post 40 age group, so even though some of you are widows or widowers, the odds are much better that you are a divorce statistic. Sorry to be direct, but really that’s what we are, a casualty of the odds makers.
I sat through the introductory class which asks the question, “Is this really happening to me?” The one hour intro then breaks out the audience into small groups of about 10, segregated by ages and children and is designed to bring similar experiences into a common discussion circle. It is NOT a pick up group, but from what I was told, dates do come out of it and even marriages. Ironic, right?
In my group were eight women and two men, all over 50 and some were OK with their divorces, while others were not. In my introduction I commented that the internet can be a blessing as to reinventing your dating persona, but the Dark Side is that the internet was the cause of several of the divorces in my small group. Whether it was on-line love affairs, problems with porn, or leaving spouses for other people, they were all there in my micro-group. And I concluded that I was not in the same dark space as many of my group and was actually more that OK with my new life than my old. After four years of indifference and killing time, the actual act of leaving and divorce was more cathartic than traumatic.
With that said I have not decided if I will go back or not, not so much for me, but for what I can bring to them. Maybe my healthier perspective will help some of the broken-hearted? I don’t know. Regardless I recommend finding a divorce recovery workshop like this if you are in pain or suffering. The group at St. Andrews was amazingly friendly and cordial, the class was secular with no religious overtones and the success stories that were shared during my one visit were noteworthy. A friend that went through the 6-week class said it helped him tremendously as I am sure it has helped many thousands.
The bottom line, if you are not happy, but are merely “content” you must ask yourself if that is enough. For years it was for me, but with increased longevity and healthier lifestyles the idea of living just “content” did not work for me. What about you? What brought you back into the single again fold?? Were you the instigator or were you the person caught by surprise? Your names will remain confidential if you would like to share and inspire others.