Jimmy Fallon may be one of the funniest men on the planet. He does a bit every Friday he calls "Thank You Notes," and then with his signature flourish, reads thank you notes that are both hilarious and sometimes very close to what everyone thinks when they are just sitting around staring into space with absolutely nothing in the world to do.
So during one of those staring periods I started to imagine what kind of thank you notes teachers, students, parents, custodians, trustees, and the occasional administrator might write and have replicated them in this column.
Try to read his while trying to imagine his flourish.
So with huge apologies to Jimmy Fallon, here goes:
- Thank you Newport Mesa for giving us those scintillating three hour meetings the day before school starts.
- Thank you weather for always making it ridiculously hot the first few weeks of school.
- Thank you Newport Mesa for only having air conditioning in a very few schools and not in mine. It's so easy to teach students who are basically panting with their heads on their desks.
- Thank you parent for calling me 17 times a day.
- Thank you principal for always acting like the sky is falling when you discuss tests. It's not my fault!
- Thank you trustees for only giving the president of the union the same three minutes to speak that everyone gets when she represents 12,000 teachers. Picture her as all of them in the room.
- Thank you trustees for looking up from your computers occasionally.
- Thank you student in the back left desk for writing on your desk with a really sharp pen, and know that we will ALWAYS remember your name.
- Thank you principal for loving the "all call" way too much. I fully expect you will be singing next.
- Thank you parent for speaking at every board meeting about the SAME thing.
- Thank you parent for calling me every day this week.
- Thank you trustees for telling long purposeless personal stories at every board meeting.
- Thank you teacher for always asking me questions. Either I am really smart or really dumb, I don't know which. Look away!
- Thank you teacher for always holding Anne's hand and never mine. You can hold a boy's hand once in awhile, you know.
- Thank you teacher for always thinking that John's work is so great. I know John and he's not that great.
- Thank you assistant superintendent for your extremely loud and preposterously cheerful voice.
- Thank you students for throwing everything all over the grounds EVERY DAY.
- Thank you teachers for always looking so alert at the meetings that I call.
- Thank you Language Arts teachers for having enormous classes and being such good sports about all that correcting essay business.
- Thank you administrators and directors for not letting us know what in the world you do.
- Thank you camera for never getting my good side at board meetings.
- Thank you community for not showing up at board meetings. What's up with that anyway?